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Sunday, 8 December 2013

Personal Post - Let's get it off my chest Diary~

안녕~
Hello everyone, today I feel like just talking. . .typing? heh. Just about what I've been doing, thinking since my last post. I hope you don't mind these type of 'diary' posts ^^ It's just something different than my 'British Shenanigans' posts.
I've had this blog for almost two years now - Wow, times flies by right? Almost 2014. 
I feel I want to get to know my followers - Hello new followers too!~ I'm afraid this post is going to be quite a buzz-kill.

 

. . .
College has been quite a massive in-my-face this year, I didn't expect my last school year to go so fast. I've met so many new people & have a good handful of friends already despite my social anxiety. My school classmates that I got to know for five years, have already grown up. Some have cars, jobs & even some are expecting children. It's like I haven't been with them for five years?  I still haven't changed & don't think I will for a long time.
All the people I was close too, feel so far away right now. I miss my best friends - Heck I even miss the girls who hated me! Isn't that messed up?

On Thursday (5th Dec) My school threw a back-together-award giving party. So we could get back to know our friends & classmates, teachers & school. They were having a tea spread out & certificate giving. I didn't go. I forgot. . . 
I missed the one opportunity to see all my best friends & I forgot. Forgot? I forgot about school! not the party itself, but school! It's like I didn't even go to school. How is that possible? When I found out I missed it, I cried myself to sleep. I sobbed so hard, that my throat was raw. Even though I was so sad about missing it, I knew that I wouldn't have gone anyway. 
I felt very happy the next morning however & I'm very happy now!~ Though I'm not even sure why. Is that weird?
. . .
As you know, I'm doing Beauty Therapy in college & already It's been 4 months! I've learned so much in what feels like a little time. Basic manicures, nail art, facials & now we know the basics of pedicures & makeup. It just feels like yesterday, I was in science with my best friend Rebecca.
I despised school very, very, very much & played truant almost constantly. I hid in the bathrooms for two hour periods of PE & Art. I ran home on one occasion. I would just sit & stare at plain sheets of paper during maths. I'd sit & cry to myself during lessons, I shamefully tried to hurt myself. 
But I managed to finally get up to four weeks of perfect go to school & do all lessons & attended each exam.
 I felt pressured by certain teachers & the stress of GCSE's. I couldn't wait for the last, official day of school. Of course, my truant acts made me do not so well on my GCSE. I scraped what I needed to get into college though! The worst of results was my PE LOL (couldn't care) & maths. 
I was proud with English & Art!~ 
어떻게. . .
Like I said, I couldn't wait for the last day of school - But then that day came & I was shocked. 
I counted down my exams & felt almost bewildered at the list of exams got shorter & shorter each day I completed one.
When the last exam was done, I felt almost relieved but sad? I felt that I could've done so much better. 
I would never want to go through secondary school or primary for that matter EVER again. 
Primary school was equally horrible - For those in USA, who don't understand our school terms - Primary school is from ages 6-11 - & secondary school (high school) 11-16
I was bullied verbally in primary school & when I was 9-10 I was physically bullied by certain people. One of them was a boy, WHO NOW HAS A CRUSH ON ME! Damn. 
What are the odds right? It's like one of tumblr things like 'I didn't pay any notice to her in school, I should've noticed her' 
Pah. 
In a way, I'm glad I put up with Primary & Secondary school, sure that it got to me but I'd never be the person I am today. In personality & style. 
I'm still a sensitive person but I'm still confident. I got through those hard times. 
Never give up!~ 화이팅!


Those people who thought they were better than me, the ones who left school because they couldn't bother - the ones who hurt me. I'd love to say 'Look at me now & think back to when you treated me like dirt & back to me now' But I never will because I know better than to reopen wounds. 
. . .
Despite my experiences, I have a positive view for the future. I have dreams & I'm going to achieve them. 
I've never really done this. You know, type out my feelings on the internet. I feel a bit unsure to put this out. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just hope this post makes someone like me feel inspired & have a little bit more confidence. 
I know to some people, this is just teenager stuff & it is! I know millions of people have much worse experiences. 
But I hope this helps & I've enjoyed typing this. I feel really happy & I look forward to college tomorrow, very much.
So again, 화이팅!~ heheh.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening!~
& for those anticipating my future beauty reviews - I have some products arriving - Hopefully three nail products should arrive from Korea tomorrow!
You can check out the upcoming posts here:-  http://keikeikirsten.blogspot.co.uk/p/upcoming-reviews.html

I love you all very much~
Take care~

6 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear you struggle with social anxiety. Perhaps it helps that I know somehow how you feel (I don't have social anxiety, but I do have anxiety). Keep your head up, and let them know what they missed out on!

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  2. Hello meen, I've been following your blog for almost 6 months now without leaving any comment so I decided to quickly say hi today, just so you know you've got a fan somewhere. LOL. Your blog makes sense to me just like http://danieluyi.com, another similarly interesting blog that I'm also a fan of.

    Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sometimes like you say; I even miss my friends hated me ~~
    I understand it
    화이팅!
    Your pics are so cute ^.^

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow. So, for the past five minutes I've just sat there and stared before writing anything now. I still don't know what would be appropriate to say. I've went to similar things you had to go through. Most of it was verbal, though, and it contiuned until I stopped dressing all black when I hit the age of 15 because I wanted people to like me.
    Now, I'm in my last year of school and I feel anxious as to what will happen if this is all over. I really don't know.
    - Elina

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  5. I hope that things are going much better for you now that you're in college! I think it's not uncommon to have a really shitty time in high school, so thankfully it's such a small part of a bigger picture > <). Try to take it one day at a time and celebrate each small triumph. Beautiful photos, btw~ (。☌ᴗ☌。)

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  6. You are such a bright and beautiful girl i can see the light from your changes and pray thatt it was an inner light which would never fade. Jesus love you and God bless you;)

    ReplyDelete

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